Friday, July 5, 2013

Tim Tebow will be the most important free agent signing of the 2013 season.


Offensive Prediction: The patriots have released 3 of their top 4 receivers from last season (Hernandez, Lloyd, and Welker), and the one that is left (Gronkowski) will miss significant time this season recovering from surgery.  To start the season the patriots will be missing 3538 of last seasons 4827 passing yards, or 73%.  Even the great and powerful Tom Brady, prince of New England, hero of Boston, and immortal legend of throwing an oblong ball just far enough for the kicker to save his butt, even He will have trouble producing at his standard level with so much missing talent.  

Defensive Prediction: Bill Bealzichick the defensive genius will make up for the lost offensive production.  It was his brilliant defense that built the dynasty in New England to start with.  Except their defense efficiency was a mediocre 15th overall in 2012 according to football outsiders.  Which is a huge step up from 30th in 2011.  Ever since they were caught cheating the patriots have finished 11th, 17th, 14th, 21st, 30th, and 15th in defensive efficiency with an average ranking of 18 out of 32 teams.  Note, there are ZERO top ten finishes.  This is compared to 7th, 27th, 7th, 2nd, 14th, 13th, and 21st and an average 13th out of 32 teams in years of which the Patriots could be accused of cheating.  Those patriots defenses managed a top ten efficiency rating in 3 out of 7 seasons.  Roster change can be blamed for the defensive decline, Brady is the only holdover from the 2001 championship team, but I personally doubt it.  It is highly unlikely there to be a drastic defensive improvement counteract the offensive slippage this team will face.  

The Prediction: Due to their handicapped offense and mediocre defense the patriots will struggle to start the season.  After a 2-2 start Tom Brady will be injured, somehow by Bernard Pollard, who is not even playing against the patriots this season, but he will find a way.  Ryan Mallett will start one game but play and lose badly.  Bealzichick will have no choice but to play Tim Tebow, who through a series of hijinks, trick plays, dumb luck, and the power of prayer guides the patriots to a 6-5 finish with an 8-8 total record, and an improbable division win by tie break over the dolphins.  Tebow also converts Hernandez to evangelical Protestantism and they provide joint ministry to prison inmates.  In the playoffs Tebow will lead the Patriots in a win over the Steelers before traveling to Denver to be crushed under the boot of Peyton Manning.  

Odds I am right: 0.005%.  This is the longest of long shots, but if this comes true I need to start a career as a gambler.  

I actually think that the Patriots will 'struggle' this season, but still win 10 games and their really easy division.  Brady starts every game, Tebow is a non issue, not even a distraction.  

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